He Died…

Dear ones, We often color a person as all good or all bad when they die. To grieve well, we must see the lost person in all of their complexities. We must express every wish, all the conversations that were never had. At least that is what a book I read said… My brother is…

NYC Lady Bug

  A lady bug flew into my room. It was 2017 in NYC.  It was September. I had that broken heart and the lady bug didn’t belong there. The noises were loud. The smell of cement and rain filled the air. She was there though. She sat on my finger. She gave me hope. It…

Nose Cutters

One of my favorite things to do is watch people. I know how creepy that sounds but I am definitely not the only one. I like to listen, to watch, to learn. Right now I listen to the sounds of teenagers who talk about the face lifts they will get in a few years, the…

My Wedding Anniversary?

Yesterday I felt so sad but had no idea why. Now I know. The ocean. I went to her yesterday. It was largely an accident but somehow I ended up on a beach. The ocean was trying to tell me that my wedding anniversary would have happened the next day; today. She wanted me to think about…

DNA Testing

“Don’t do it, it takes your DNA. Who knows what they do with it. It could be used for eugenic’s research,” she said as we walked towards Target. “Yeah but I don’t know who my biological mom is and thats the only way I can possibly find her.” It came in the mail yesterday. The…

Don’t Trust your Gut

A while back a teacher pointed out that the facts of a relationship is what makes up that relationship not the point of view of the relationship. For people who have had many traumatic experiences in life, it is super important to look at the facts of your relationships and not rely on your gut…

The Butterfly Wing

We stopped at Lowe’s to get some flower pots. “Look, a butterfly!” It was fluttering on the ground in the middle of the parking lot. “It has a broken wing.” We lingered for a moment. I could feel the we need to do something feeling rise up in my chest. My mom felt it too,…

Random Beach Trips

I love many things about my best friend Miranda but the top of the icing was when we were in her car on the way to the beach at 3:30 in the afternoon on Sunday afternoon. “I just checked the weather, there might be isolated thunderstorms but they might stop around seven if they do…

Social Media Scroll

April 1, 2019 I scroll on social media when I am bored. Lately, this is often. There is a longing under there. If the scroll isn’t enough, I download a dating app. I peruse through it for a few days. I like to swipe more than I like to chat with anyone. I talk to…

Moving Forward is a Choice

“Moving forward is a choice.” I have read that in many places. Choice. I thought I would wake up one day and not feel sad anymore about the loss my marriage. I thought it would be like the child who wakes up four inches taller than a few months previous.  Part of healing is like…